I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
