Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
