Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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