Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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