my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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