WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i think i just lost a toe
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
