he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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