Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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