he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
