I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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