I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
