Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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