Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
