Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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