I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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