dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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