Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
