she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
