I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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