OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
