Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
