It's like God shit irony all over that family
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
