You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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