i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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