1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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