i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
