apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
