2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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