He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
