You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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