wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
