I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
