They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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