omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
