He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Randomize
