I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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