wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
