My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
