Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
