Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
