If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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