Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
