i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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