Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
