is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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