so explain again why im purple
no
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
