new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
