I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
