Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
