What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
