then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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