seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
