i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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