Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
