we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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