I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
