shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
