We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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