he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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