I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
