just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
