This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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