i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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