in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.