This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
either way he was missing a nipple.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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