Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
