My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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