Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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