theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
