if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Buhtt sex?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I should be sponsored by Trojan
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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