your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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