she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
