I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
