drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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