hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
