I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
